A Mask of Love
As The Past May Hurt; One Must Either Run Or Learn
“I’m only going to be gone for a couple of days,” Kendra said to Lillian, as they sat at the kitchen table. Only Lia, who had come in after midnight from her late shift, knew where Kendra was going, and she of course wasn’t going to say anything.
“But where you goin’, eh?” Lillian persisted.
“I told you, Kiddo, I do have a job that I sometimes have to do stuff with, right. The mortgage on this house doesn’t pay itself, hmmmm.” Kendra didn’t mention that Carol had cleared the mortgage at the beginning of the month, presenting Kendra with the deed one night after a session.
“What’s a mortgage?” Lillian asked, honestly.
Kendra looked at her. “I’m going to start with some math with you when I get back, Miss Clark, and I’ll explain mortgages to you. It involves math or arithmetic, or whatever you might have called it.”
“Two times three and shit?” Lillian said.
“Uh, yeah, a little more than that, but that’s part of it. Now I need to get ready.”
“I’m gonna stay up late and watch nasty stuff on cable,” Lillian teased.
“Yeah, actually I’m okay with that, and Aunt Jessica will probably join you.”
Lillian laughed out loud. “Aunt Jessica will prob’ly try to do me,” Lillian chuckled.
Kendra made a face and waggled her finger.
But Lillian was likely right, her aunt being a naughty one.
Marcy brought the coffee to the woman seated at the
bar; with it being Saturday, mid-afternoon, there were only coffee drinkers there, usually. This woman had been in a couple of times in the last few days. Late thirties, perhaps; she looked like a business woman.
“So, how does this place do for you?” The woman asked with a smile as Marcy placed the cup.
Marcy returned the smile, “Oh, okay I guess. Why do you ask?”
The woman sipped her coffee, “Mmmm, that’s very good.” She smiled again. “I’m visiting for a couple of weeks; I’m from Vancouver and I recently came into possession of a property that had been a restaurant at one time. It’s been vacant and we’re just cleaning it up now; just deciding what sort of place to put back in there. I saw this place the other night in passing and dropped in. Those lovely girls were performing. So I stayed and kind of had a look around. So, yeah, just wondering how you do.”
Marcy liked this woman; sometimes you just have a feeling. She shared that the place had struggled and that she and her ‘partner’ had considered getting out, but the addition of Meg and Mary had been amazing and positive; their numbers were now at the sustainable level and things looked good.
Since it wasn’t overly busy, Marcy was able to visit with the woman, Carla Niske, and they chatted about a lot of things. When Carla left she said she would be back tonight, as the girls were playing and she enjoyed them.
For whatever reason, Marcy felt really good at the end of the talk, better than she had in a while, and with she and Dan basically sharing a house but having no personal connection to speak of, and her relationship with Meg being uncertain and awkward, it was nice just to have someone to talk with. Marcy went to work doing the stocking-up for the evening with a smile on her face, thinking one never knows where the rainbows will come from.
Sitting in front of her computer and planning was one thing, but now that Kendra was in an airplane and actually going somewhere, it hit her, the enormity of what she was considering. Her plan’s first step was to fly to Winnipeg and then drive the two and a half hours or so back to Kenora (so there was no actual connection between her and the town) to begin her observations.
Once she got to Kenora, she was going to find the house of the two jerks and assess it; seeing images was one thing, she needed to see the real thing. Sitting in the airplane now she actually felt a little sick; this wasn’t her thing, doing physical stuff. The flight attendant arrived then with a whiskey; she needed something to settle herself down.
Meg was in the private washroom at the back of the Barista; Marcy let her and Mary use it when they were getting ready to perform; it was much better than having to be in the public one at the shop’s front. As Meg washed her hands she looked at her reflection in the mirror; her face, Meg Greenfield’s face, looking back at her. She suddenly remembered the moment when she had decided to give herself to Jessica Robb; and now all that seemed like a dream. What did she feel?
When she thought of Jessica now the ache returned, briefly, but it was there. Jessica had unlocked a Meg Greenfield that had been hiding, but which Meg was this, looking back at her now? Everything before did really seem like a dream right now. Her time with Derek, for instance. They had been together for a couple of years, yet she had so little of their time together left in her mind; she even had trouble remembering his face!
Which Meg Greenfield was that?
The door opened and Mary called, “You still alive in here? C’mon, we’re on in four minutes.”
“Yeah, yeah, sorry,” Meg stammered, slightly dazed. She splashed cold water on her face and then shook her head. Get it together, she told herself, and headed out.
She had seen her father come in and Sandra was with him again. That made Meg smile; her father deserved to have someone. Didn’t everyone?
Kendra settled herself into the small but neat motel room just on the eastern edge of Winnipeg. With an early start in the morning she would have time to snoop around in Kenora and then get back for her evening return flight.
She had packed light, but she looked now at her gear. Her computer, and a small but powerful (and expensive) camera; and something else that an investigator had shown her a year or so back. She had bought it, thinking it would come in handy; it was a telescoping rod that allowed one to place things higher up.
It would prove useful tomorrow.
“Hey there,” Jessica said quietly, standing outside Lillian’s door.
“Yeah, I hear ya’ breathin’, Chief, so what ya’ waitin’ for?” Lillian asked, eyes on her television and a PBS show about sharks. “Ya’ know sharks have-ta keep swimmin’ or they’ll die?” Lillian announced, as Jessica came in and sat on the bed.
“Yeah, I’d heard that,” Jessica replied.
“Hmmm, that sucks.” Lillian turned down the volume and looked at her visitor, “Come to do me?” she asked, a smirk on her face.
“What?” Jessica exclaimed, taken aback, as Lillian was known to do to people.
“I told Kend-o that you’d try somethin’,” Lillian continued to smile.
Jessica sighed, thinking that she was pretty obvious.
“Well, right now I just came down to say ‘hi’ and ‘watcha doin’, just being friendly like, hmmmm?”
Lillian moved over and patted the pillow beside her, “Join me, Jess-girl.”
Jessica turned off the light on the end table, the hall light still providing enough to see Lillian’s face, and then lay beside the girl. Lillian rested her head on the second pillow and closed her eyes, as Jessica began to softly kiss her face. When Jessica tried to kiss her mouth, Lillian mildly turned away, but she did not stop Jessica’s hand when it began to gently squeeze a breast.
Jessica removed Lillian’s t-shirt and then the thong, before taking off her own clothes and softly placing her mouth over a large, dark brown nipple. She took her time, pleasuring both breasts, before finding the fleshy lump and clitoris hidden in the mass of black pubic hair. When Lillian’s breathing became more aroused, Jessica rolled onto her and lay on top, slowly grinding her pelvis into Lillian’s.
Lillian opened her eyes. “What do you want to do, Jess?”
Jessica kissed Lillian’s face softly several times before whispering, “I want to fuck you.”
Lillian grinned, “You ain’t got no dick, sister.”
Jessica smiled now too, “I have…my resources.”
“I don’t want no rubber thing in me, Chief, sorry, don’t work. I’ll do your girl, that’s diff’rent.”
Jessica studied the other’s face, “You’ve had a lot of, um, dicks in you I’m guessing. You still want more?”
Lillian lay still for a while, then closed her eyes. “Yeah, lots of dicks, but they was just, like, t’ings, eh. Some were better’n others, but they was just t’ings to stick in me, eh. I’d like to, uh, make love with a dude you know that was, like, my choice, right?”
“Hmmm, make love. You still want sex with guys, even after what they’ve done to you?” Jessica asked, with wonder.
Lillian looked at her. “Yeah, I would. You never been with a dude, hav’ya?”
Jessica shook her head, “Never.”
“Shit, that’s weird.”
“Not really. I’ve never had any attraction to, um, dudes. My first sexual feelings, not including some weird stuff I saw as a kid, was when I was eleven and I saw Megan Richards bend over in her tight jeans and her sweet twelve-year-old butt called to me.”
“You were eleven and you wanted ass?” Lillian asked.
Jessica chuckled. “It’s not that weird, kid. I started puberty early, eleven actually was when I had my first period and started growing hair. Yeah, been nuthin’ but chicks since then, tho’ there was a time I kind of went into hiding. My Goth-phase I call it. People would whisper about me and avoid me. I was all into black clothes, purple lipstick and dark eye shadow. I was a freak. For a couple of years, actually.”
“Shit,” Lillian said again. That was something she could understand.
Meg was in the washroom, again. The gig was over and it had gone very well, again. It had been a full house; her father was beaming; Sandra seemed to really enjoy herself; everyone was happy and chatty afterwards; even Marcy seemed happier tonight.
But now Meg stood staring at her reflection. Her mistress had texted to tell her, once again, to hang with Mary. She liked Mary, but it wasn’t right to lay this on her, this incredible ache that wouldn’t go away. Maybe Jessica was right; maybe love was a curse that fucked you up.
Meg stared into her own eyes. Maybe what she needed was to decide what was real; was it Jessica or the submission that called to her, compelled her. The very word mistress had turned her on; was that Jessica or the idea of serving someone; she had had those fantasies for a long time, and Jessica had come along and allowed them to emerge. Was that it? Had that become what she called ‘love’?
No; tonight, no Mary.
Meg had her own car and she would go off on her own. She would leave her guitar here in the storage area and see what she was really all about. If that was possible.
“So,” Jessica whispered into the shiny, fragrant mass of black hair beside her, “if I can’t fuck you, can I at least sleep with you?”
“Mmmmm,” Lillian murmured, “where’s your girl-toy?”
“I have her with her friend.”
“Don’t it piss you off, that she’ll do that?”
“Be with another woman, absolutely not, I want that.”
“That’s, uh, weird,” Lillian murmured, then was silent. Jessica waited patiently for an actual answer. She was just about to repeat her question when Lillian murmured, “Do’ya snore, Jess-babe?”
“I don’t think so,” Jessica chuckled. No one had ever said anything.
Lillian sat up, “Let’s brush our teeth, eh, JR?”
“Sure thing, Chief,” Jessica smirked and Lillian punched her on the arm.
Meg awoke and tried to turn over; she was unable to as both her wrists were bound by cord to the bedposts. She looked down at her naked body and saw that her ankles were bound as well. She closed her eyes and thought back.
After saying goodbye to Mary and leaving the Purple Barista, she had driven to a hangout she now knew lesbians frequented, but it was filled with mostly young people, eighteen to early twenties and she didn’t want that. She sat and wracked her brain trying to remember the names of other places Kendra and Jessica had mentioned and something had popped into her mind.
She googled it on her cell phone and then drove there to find a much more subdued atmosphere and an older …clientele. She had checked out several women before hooking up with, what was her name? It started with a ‘b’, um…Barbara, yes; it was Barbara and the woman was late thirties maybe even early forties. Meg had consumed a couple of glasses of wine before Barbara had brought her back here.
Things were sketchy now regarding all that they did, but Meg knew that she had drank some more and been spanked and fucked, lots. Looking down she saw bruising around her nipples and then remembered the clamps; Barbara had a lot of clamps and had attached them all over.
Just then the door opened and none other than Barbara came in, wearing a breast harness rather than a bra, so her average breasts were lifted, naked and on display; one was adorned with a silver ring through the very pink nipple.
“Good morning, Slut, glad you’re finally awake,” Barbara greeted her captive cordially. Meg noticed with a feeling of concern that on the lower half of her body, Barbara wore only a large, black strap-on dildo, which bobbed up and down with the woman’s movement.
“Um, uh good morning, B-Barbara, right? Could I get untied, Barbara, please?” Meg asked with a surprisingly rough voice; what else had she been doing?
Barbara ran a hand up Meg’s leg to her crotch and squeezed the pussy lips hard, making Meg cry out.
“Our little cunt wants to be released, hmmmm?” Barbara grinned down at Meg. “Well, you’ll need to earn that, won’t you…slave?”
Meg, surprisingly to her, felt only a very mild response to this word, this humiliation, but she knew instinctively that she needed to cooperate to get free. “Yes, Mistress,” she said quietly, “may I please eat your pussy, to be released?”
Barbara grinned broadly and unstrapped her harness, then climbed over Meg, slowly lowering her shaved vagina down to the waiting mouth. “Mmmmm,” she moaned, as Meg’s talented tongue went to work.
Kendra looked at her GPS. She was driving along Rabbit Lake Road, and in time she would converge with the highway that led to the Kenora airport. As she passed a trailer home park, she knew she was very close.
Brown’s house was on the edge of town, near at least one major road. With one eye on her GPS and one on the houses, Kendra thought ‘got it’ as she drove past the unsightly residence. She continued on into the forested area past the edge of the residences and then circled back, parking her car among some trees. She walked back along this quiet road and was able to approach the house from behind.
Taking out the small camera and using the telescoping rod, Kendra manoeuvered and then placed the device up on a tree branch she felt would provide a view of the back door and part of the ‘yard’, although the lot was larger than a regular city lot and was so overgrown the word yard seemed inappropriate.
Once back in her car, she turned on her computer and checked the feed; the view was clear and she could see any movement into the house from the rear. She thought for a moment and considered that she was quite hungry,
She then took her computer outside, placed it inside a large, clear plastic bag and hid it in the undergrowth. She had a good six hours of battery time, so hopefully that would provide some answers to her main question: were the bastards at home? She then got back in her car and drove off, looking for a restaurant that was open Sundays.
Meg stood in the shower and let the warm water cascade down her body. When she had arrived home, she found Jessica was gone, so she decided she needed this. She soaped her breasts gently, they were still a little tender from her night’s workout. Soaping between her thighs she found her vagina lips to be tender as well; Barb had certainly done a thorough job with the clamps and the strap.
What had she felt? Meg wished she hadn’t drunk as much wine as she did because things were hazy; but she was pretty sure the night had not been all that remarkable, sexually. Certainly, when she had finally ‘earned’ her release this morning and headed off, she felt no need to make any plans to meet again.
So she had once again been naked and on her knees, performing for a woman, a woman she apparently was calling Mistress, yet she had no memories of any sexual wonder. It had been a hook-up, nothing more. Just sex, basically, with the submission just a sort of decoration.
The desire must then be within Jessica, but tied to Meg’s need to submit. There must be a connection between the two. But what of Mary; Meg had felt definite arousal at being dominated and used by her, yet they had found a sexual-compatibility now that didn’t need the role playing. What do I want? Meg asked herself, turning the water off. What??
After she had eaten something, Kendra decided to drive around and get a feel for the town. Then she went back to her motel and snoozed for a while until her cell phone’s alarm woke her up. She had been away four hours; that should have produced something.
Kendra drove back to her observation spot with her heart racing; what if the men were gone; what if they had moved away and some nice couple was living in the house? Thinking of the place’s appearance, she doubted that was true, but who knew? Kendra parked her car and jumped out, walking briskly to the hidden device and hauling it back to her car. She opened it and decided to sit and watch right there, with the fast forward in operation.
Two hours of recording sped by showing nothing and then, suddenly, on her screen the back door opened. Kendra shouted and pressed stop, then rewind, then play and watched as a smallish-man, definitely Andrew Thomas, exited the back door and took something outside. When he went back in there was another, taller man, in the doorway. She could not make out a face, but Kendra knew. The man in the doorway was Richard Brown. The men were still there.
Later, Meg was just sitting on one couch, wearing her housecoat, when Jessica came in. They regarded each other in silence, before Jessica came over and kissed Meg on the mouth, holding it for a long time. They then held each other, neither speaking.
In her motel room Kendra set her cell phone for four o’clock; she needed to drive back to Winnipeg and catch her plane. She would be back home Monday, and now that she knew what she needed to know, she could start the serious planning. It gave her knots in her stomach even contemplating what she was considering, but she had gone this far and would not turn back now.
Jessica, Meg and Lillian sat in the familiar circle on the carpet in the living room; two candles were burning on the mantle above the gas fireplace, although it was still summer and there was no need for that to be lit.
“I thought that I could be a Windigo,” Lillian said, and the other two looked at her.
“A what?” Jessica asked.
“It’s a kind of monster,” Meg replied and Lillian looked at her. Both Jessica and Lillian asked, “How’d you know ‘dat/that?”
Meg just shrugged and smiled, “I read a lot.” She looked at Lillian, “Why would you want to be a monster?”
Jessica snorted, “C’mon, sweet Meg. If you were being kept and used and had no, um, hope I guess, wouldn’t you dream about being able to break out, even punish those who, like, held you?”
Lillian and Meg both nodded, and then Jessica added with a smile, “Hey, enough heavy talk, our friend has left us some treats,” and she whipped out a baggie from behind her, containing three fat joints of Kendra’s best grass.
Lillian laughed, “Count on ol’ Kend-o to t’ink of us, eh?”
Jessica smiled as she lit up the first smoke, inhaled deeply and passed it to Lillian.
And in Winnipeg, Charlie Clark looked at the text message that had just arrived and smiled; it was from Lillian, who would text at all hours.
What joy he had felt when she contacted him the first time, and now, every few days she would text some little thing, sometimes just ‘Hi there’ or the like, but it always made him smile; and he always replied immediately. Today he typed, “When you coming out for a visit, Sweetheart?” His heart actually leapt when the response came a couple of minutes later, “Soon, Dad.”
Charlie got up and walked to the spare room, the room he now called ‘Lillian’s’, and regarded it thoughtfully. Would she like this? What do teenage girls like? The room was clean and neat with some ‘trendy’ posters on the wall; he’d asked some of the kids that were regulars on his bus.
He nodded; it would be so incredible to see his daughter again; so, so incredible.
And in her small room in her foster home, a girl, Clarice Bey, lay on her bed, a piece of paper in her hand.
Now nineteen, she was no longer a minor, and would need to start paying some money for her place. Her foster parents were kind, however, and had promised to wait until her criminal probation period ended. She had her final interview coming up, and that should be that.
Looking at the piece of paper, which showed a butterfly drawn by Clarice, she promised herself that she would tell her probation officer about what had happened to her two years ago at the Cambridge Correctional Centre. She had thought about what had been done to her every day since she’d left, and had made the same promise to herself. She was determined this time to follow through; she rolled over and turned off her light, putting the butterfly picture under her pillow.
Sandra Girard brought some scotch to Kevin Greenfield and settled in beside him; they then clinked glasses. “Thanks for taking me to see Meg, Kevin. I have really enjoyed her and Mary; you must be so proud?”
Kevin grinned a self-conscious smile; he was proud, he couldn’t begin to explain how much, but he still found it hard to talk about his daughter. “Well, I am really glad you enjoy it Sandy, because it would have been damn awkward if you hadn’t,” he said and they both chuckled.
They sipped their scotch in silence for a moment. “So, you’re comfortable that she’s in a lesbian relationship?” Sandra asked, evenly. It didn’t matter to her what people’s sexual preferences were, but then neither of her children were gay.
Kevin Greenfield however had to control his reaction. Lesbian? Meg? How? When? Surely Sandra was wrong, wasn’t she? But somehow women seemed to know these things. Don’t over react, he told himself; stay calm.
“Um, how’d you, uh, know?” he asked quietly, and Sandra just looked at him and smiled.
(End of Chapter 17)